Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
