That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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