just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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