he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
