You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
