I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
