Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
