Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
