At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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