forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
