Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
