yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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