just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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