sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
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