Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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