Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
