checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
