i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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