I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
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