got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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