apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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