Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
