respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm too high and old for this...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
