Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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