I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
