Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
