Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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