..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
