I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Shame - the story of my life.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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