I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Randomize
