he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
