so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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