I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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