remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
love makes seman taste better
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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