Define "chronic" masturbator.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
