Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
COCAINE IS GR8
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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