How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
