now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Randomize
