Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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