3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
