Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
