dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
