Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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