What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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