how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
