If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
