Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
