tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
