i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
