They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
